Hi...
Its the 23rd night of Ramadhan. I should sleep but I'm in the midst of downloading Grey's Anatomy so while I'm at it, thought of dropping a few thoughts here.
Watching Grey's Anatomy, I now realised why I didnt get IUMC. Ha ha. Sorry! It is just so hard to let go. (I'm starting to hate myself for posting the interview experience here. Cause when I read, (which is pathetic by the way, I know) I am unfortunately, vividly reminded of that particular day.) So, when I watched Grey's anatomy, I realised (probably not the whole picture) but a gist of how a doctor's life gonna be. I mean, the actual reason for being a doctor. (Ugh whatever.) It was never for self-satisfaction in the first place. In fact, it should never be. Being a doctor is not for yourself to be well-informed of your own physical being. It's not simply wanting to "help people". It's more than that. It takes a hell lot of conscience to be one. I mean, there's no real reason of why one wants to become a doctor. It's just.....is.
But, well maybe what I could grasp is a little limited seeing that Grey's Anatomy only revolves around the surgical doctors (surgical? surgery? do correct me if I'm wrong). Tpi surgery pun involves all kan? like paediatrics, orthopaedics, neurology, cardiology... kan? tpi entahlah, I am not familiar (no. bukan setakat tak familiar, tapi tak even tahu lagi pun) with the medical worlds yet.
So back to my main point, patutla Dr Aileen and Dr MacSharry was not impressed with me at all. Tapi tidak mengapa, there's a lot more reasons to that. Diorg manusia, bukan Allah. Mesti ada sebab Allah tak gerakkan hati diorg untuk terima aku sebagai student diorang, dan mesti ada sebab Allah buat aku jadi macam tu dalam bilik interview tu. Walaupun aku masih sedih, kecewa sebenarnya, tpi mesti ada sebab. Dialah yang maha adil lagi bijaksana. Maka, aku redha....
Put my own struggle aside, life Alhamdulillah, masih berjalan seperti biasa. Haha who am I kidding?! Of course lah. Its not doomsday yet, for God's sake. So of course the Sun still terbit kat timur. (get my analogy?)
But, yeah... It's quite difficult to remain calm, collected and grateful, and achieve that level of taqwa to Allah when things don't come in your way. When you are being tested. It's difficult to remain positive when you are tested. I tried. And it has been going quite well, in fact. But it's heartbreaking to see your mother cries her heart out, knowing she suffered her whole damn 55 years of life and wondering why? Heart-wrenching to see your dad who once was so strong, and energetic now become a mourner. who just stares into distance looking hopeless, knowing he struggled his entire existence. To free him of all of his sins. Who's fault was it in the first place that contributed to one's sins? The mother? The family? The friends? The sinner himself? He wasn't educated religiously. BUT WHY THE HELL AM I LOOKING INTO THE PAST WHEN WE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO REPENT. Ya Allah..
It's even more difficult when it feels like you can't do anything to help cause you're not working. as if you're only wasting money away but you cant help it cause you feel as if it is your necessity. That is my reality. Trust me, I AM trying to always improve my taqwa.
Maybe I should stop wearing my heart on my sleeves.
Bye for now,
Intan.
Its the 23rd night of Ramadhan. I should sleep but I'm in the midst of downloading Grey's Anatomy so while I'm at it, thought of dropping a few thoughts here.
Watching Grey's Anatomy, I now realised why I didnt get IUMC. Ha ha. Sorry! It is just so hard to let go. (I'm starting to hate myself for posting the interview experience here. Cause when I read, (which is pathetic by the way, I know) I am unfortunately, vividly reminded of that particular day.) So, when I watched Grey's anatomy, I realised (probably not the whole picture) but a gist of how a doctor's life gonna be. I mean, the actual reason for being a doctor. (Ugh whatever.) It was never for self-satisfaction in the first place. In fact, it should never be. Being a doctor is not for yourself to be well-informed of your own physical being. It's not simply wanting to "help people". It's more than that. It takes a hell lot of conscience to be one. I mean, there's no real reason of why one wants to become a doctor. It's just.....is.
But, well maybe what I could grasp is a little limited seeing that Grey's Anatomy only revolves around the surgical doctors (surgical? surgery? do correct me if I'm wrong). Tpi surgery pun involves all kan? like paediatrics, orthopaedics, neurology, cardiology... kan? tpi entahlah, I am not familiar (no. bukan setakat tak familiar, tapi tak even tahu lagi pun) with the medical worlds yet.
So back to my main point, patutla Dr Aileen and Dr MacSharry was not impressed with me at all. Tapi tidak mengapa, there's a lot more reasons to that. Diorg manusia, bukan Allah. Mesti ada sebab Allah tak gerakkan hati diorg untuk terima aku sebagai student diorang, dan mesti ada sebab Allah buat aku jadi macam tu dalam bilik interview tu. Walaupun aku masih sedih, kecewa sebenarnya, tpi mesti ada sebab. Dialah yang maha adil lagi bijaksana. Maka, aku redha....
Put my own struggle aside, life Alhamdulillah, masih berjalan seperti biasa. Haha who am I kidding?! Of course lah. Its not doomsday yet, for God's sake. So of course the Sun still terbit kat timur. (get my analogy?)
But, yeah... It's quite difficult to remain calm, collected and grateful, and achieve that level of taqwa to Allah when things don't come in your way. When you are being tested. It's difficult to remain positive when you are tested. I tried. And it has been going quite well, in fact. But it's heartbreaking to see your mother cries her heart out, knowing she suffered her whole damn 55 years of life and wondering why? Heart-wrenching to see your dad who once was so strong, and energetic now become a mourner. who just stares into distance looking hopeless, knowing he struggled his entire existence. To free him of all of his sins. Who's fault was it in the first place that contributed to one's sins? The mother? The family? The friends? The sinner himself? He wasn't educated religiously. BUT WHY THE HELL AM I LOOKING INTO THE PAST WHEN WE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO REPENT. Ya Allah..
It's even more difficult when it feels like you can't do anything to help cause you're not working. as if you're only wasting money away but you cant help it cause you feel as if it is your necessity. That is my reality. Trust me, I AM trying to always improve my taqwa.
Maybe I should stop wearing my heart on my sleeves.
Bye for now,
Intan.
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